Kingdom Hearts: Advent Children
by Kawaii Overdose
Summary: In a world where fangirl terrorism runs rampant, your favorite KH characters must play out the story of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children! This fic is extremely random and contains massive Riku bashing. Don't say you weren't warned!
1. Lights! Camera! Killer Fangirls?

...I've been in a FFVII:AC mood lately... and I thought this could work... but the Riku fans and Kairi haters will kill me...

**THIS FIC CONTAINS MASSIVE RIKU HATRED, MASSIVE DEMYX LOVE, POSSIBLE CHARATER DEFAMATION, SANITY DAMAGING MATERIAL, AND "WTF?" MOMENTS. ALSO, IT IS PRO-KAIRI.**

**DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.**

_I do not own Kingdom Hearts  
I do not own FFVII or FFVII:AC  
I do not own Naruto... but I got Uzumaki Chronicles game for Christmas!_

Also, no offense to anyone who likes Riku. Its just how I feel about his fanbase, and the whole concept was through a bit of personal experience. DON'T HURT ME! -cowers in fear-

Hope you like!_

* * *

_

_"...ra!" _

_"...Sora!"_

_"Sora!"_

_"SORA WAKE UP!"_

Sora jumped up in his bed, looking up to a pair of angry blue eyes. "Heeey, what the big idea, Kairi?"

Kairi handed the spiky haired wonder a letter. "Read this. It looks like we got work."

Sora, yawning, took the letter from Kairi and read it aloud:

"'Keyblade Master Sora, Destiny Princess Kairi, and Loser-Prince-Of-Darkness-Boy:

You have been invited to take part in a remake of _Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children_ (I'm sure you've all seen it), which will be respectively called _Kingdom Hearts: Advent Children_, or simply _Advent Hearts_. Don't worry, you weren't the only ones called for this; other characters from KH2 have been sent this letter and will be accompanying you. Casting will take place at 3:00 PM on Monday.

...However, in case this does not grab your attention, there will be free food.

I hope to see you there.

Sincerely,  
Kawaii "Lemur Demon" Overdose'."

Sora scratched his head. "Kawaii Overdose? Isn't she that girl who kidnapped Axel, locked him in her basement, and then when Roxas came to save him, and asked if he would molest Axel a little so she could get it on film?"

"Hey, she had good reason! The Yaoi fangirls were going to resort to a battering ram if she didn't deliver!" Kairi said. "Besides, someone was bound to do it eventually.'"

"You're right about that."

"So, what do you think? Should we go?"

Sora smiled. "Why not? Sounds like it could be fun! Plus, FREE FOOD!"

"Good!" Kairi tossed him his black shirt and pants. "You get dressed. I'm gonna go get Riku."

* * *

It was 2:47 PM when Sora, Kairi, and Riku found themselves in front of a closed off community building. As they walked closer, they found four familiar heads. 

"Roxas! Axel! Demyx! Namine!" Sora called. Numbers VI, IX, and XIII and Namine turned their heads to the waving Keyblade master.

"Sora! Good to see ya!" Roxas called. Demyx waved back as Namine and Axel walked toward the three.

Namine hugged Kairi. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. But it's good to have everybody back together again."

"You said it." Namine let Kairi go and hugged Sora, who was whimpering from lack of attention.

Axel turned to Riku. "You guys got the letter, too?"

Riku nodded. "What's weird though was that the Kawaii Overdose girl addressed it to 'Keyblade Master Sora, Destiny Princess Kairi, and Loser-Prince-Of-Darkness-Boy'..."

"You too? Ours was to 'Roxas: Glory Of The Keyblade Master's Opposite Hand, The Rock Star Formerly Known As Demyx, DaVinchi's Second Coming, and Ferret-Man'."(A/N: "Ferret-Man" is an inside joke, and I will not explain it so quickly)

"...'Ferret Man', Axel?"

"That's what I said!"

It wasn't too long after that when Ansem the Wise and the rest of Organization XIII (minus Marluxia, however) arrived. All had questions as to why they themselves had been specifically chosen, but most, like Sora, Xigbar, Lexeaus, and Demyx did not care since they had come solely for the free food mentioned. Finally, their invitor had arrived.

The doors burst open, knocking Riku (who had been leaning against the frame) into the street, where he was nearly hit by three cars, one tow truck, four ice cram carts, and an old woman on a motorized wheelchair, though no one cared. The rest looked to the doorway, where standing was a brunette with blue jeans and a Chip 'N Dale shirt, followed by Cloud and Tifa. The girl smiled.

"I'm so glad to see everyone-"

"AHHHH!" Axel screamed. "IT'S THE KIDNAPPER!" He hid behind Roxas, cowering and whimpering.

"How many time do I have to tell you, I had good reason!" the girl yelled. She calmed down and turned back to the group. "Sorry about that. Now, for those of you who may not know me, I am Kawaii Overdose, but please, call me K.O. Anyway, I trust you all read the letter?" Everyone nodded.

"Yeah, so where's the free food? I'm_ hungreeee_..." Demyx asked.

"I told you you should have eaten something..." Namine said.

K.O. chuckled. "All in good time, oh great Melodious Nocturne." Demyx beamed at being called great. "But please, come inside." She, Cloud and Tifa walked inside, the KH crew following behind them.

Shortly after they walked inside, K.O. lead them to a room where the rest of FFVII:AC heroes and villains alike were sitting at a table. Aeris and Yuffie waved, Reno had his feet propped up on the table in relaxed manner, Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz were rambling on about their "Mommy", Vincent didn't really care as he showed more interest in polishing his pistol, and everyone else was just hanging around. Cloud and Tifa respectively took their seats, while K.O. took hers in the middle, which was next to a familiar face.

"Marly? What are you doing here?" asked Larxene.

"K.O. called me up a couple of weeks ago and asked if I could help with stage design and directing." Marluxia explained.

"Yeah, I felt bad that I couldn't find a role for him, so it was the least I could do. Besides, he's our official 'Bring in the Phoenix Down!' yeller!" K.O. added. Picking up a clipboard, she began to call out names for casting.

"Let's see... Cloud Strife will be played by Sora..."

"Am I gonna have to dye my hair blonde?" Sora asked.

"No, but you might have to use less spray starch." Cloud said. K.O. continued with casting.

"Tifa Lockheart will be played by Kairi..." Kairi nodded to Tifa, who smiled in return.

"Aeris Gainsborough will be played by Namine..."

"Why me?" Namine asked.

"Because while playing Chain of Memories, everybody knew right away you had the hots for Sora and Sora has the hots for Kairi, therefore also having the hots for you. And even before that everyone knew Cloud had the hots for both Aeris and Tifa." K.O. explained.

"Gee, don't you just come out with the truth?" Tifa said through clenched teeth.

"Yes, yes I do." K.O. said.

"But aside from that, there was the lack of female KH2 characters that weren't already from a different game." Aeris said. "Oh, I'm sorry K.O. Please continue."

"It's alright Aeris. Anyway, Yuffie Kisaragi will be played by the totally freaking awesome Demyx-"

"WHAT?" Demyx yelled. Everyone else started to laugh.

K.O. stared in surprise. "What? I just said you'd be playing Yuffie."

"OK... but why... a_ girl's_ role?" Demyx asked, clearly embarrassed.

K.O. sighed. "I knew you were gonna ask this, so lemme explain. Aside from the fact that we ran out of female KH characters as Aeris already stated, I decided this after a good friend of mine literally forced me to watch Naruto since I had no idea what she was talking about half the time. As a result, whenever I saw you, I thought 'Water Clone Jutsu'. Besides, out of the three choices, Yuffie is my favorite girl in FFVII, and you're my favorite Organization member." Demyx blushed and grinned boyishly at hearing he was someone's favorite. "If that doesn't make sense, then ask yourself what's cooler; a ninja, a rock star, or a rock star ninja?"

"Oh, oh! Rock star ninja! ROCK STAR NINJA!"

"Exactly! So will you do it, Dem?"

"Well... I dunno..."

"Well, I didn't plan on showing you this, but..." K.O. turned around and pulled out a giant scroll. "I went and got the signatures of the characters in _Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles_ to show their support, written in their own blood as summoning jutsu demands."

Demyx looked at the scroll in awe. "You're right! Look at this thing! There's Naruto, Sakura, Rock Lee, Kakashi, Gai-Sensei, Hinata, Choji, Ino, Shikamaru, Jiriya, Itachi, Orochimaru, and even the 4th and 5th Hokage! I... Wait. Where's Sasuke's and Neji's?"

"Umm... I kinda fed 'em to Marluxia's Venus Ninja Trap..." K.O. paused, then added, "...which, by the way, you totally rock for Marly!" Marluxia gave a thumbs-up.

Demyx shrugged. "Eh, I couldn't stand those losers, anyway."

"Me too." K.O. agreed. "So, in light of this support and my reasoning, will you play Yuffie's role?"

"...OK."

"Great! You rock even more than you did five seconds ago! You get a cookie!" K.O. tossed a cookie to the delighted Demyx, who then began too much on it happily.

"Who's next on the list... oh! Reno & Rude."

Axel shrunk down, fingers crossed. "Please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it..."

"Their roles will be covered by Axel &-"

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Axel roared, fire flaring behind him, which in turn set Riku on fire, though no one cared. "FOR THE LAST TIME,_ I'M NOT RENO_! MY NAME IS _NOT _AN ANAGRAM FOR HIS! THE ONLY THINGS WE HAVE IN COMMON IS OUR HAIR, WHICH ISN'T EVEN THAT SAME LENGTH, THE MARKINGS UNDER OUR EYES, THAT AREN'T EVEN THE SAME SHAPE OR COLOR, AND THE FACT WE'RE BOTH VOICED BY _QUINTON FLYNN, AT TWO DIFFERENT TIME PERIODS!_ WHY CAN'T YOU IDIOTS UNDERSTAND THAT?"

Everyone around him fell back in fear. K.O., however, jumped up from behind the table, walked over to Axel, and slapped him across the face. "LET ME FINISH!" she screamed. "I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA COMPLAIN, SO I ASSIGNED THE ROLE OF RUDE TO _ROXAS _SO YOU'D BE OK WITH BEING RENO! ...Whoa! Dude, did I leave a mark?"

"N-No..." Axel panted. "...but I needed that... Sorry..."

"Its alright." K.O. returned to her seat and continued. "Tseng and Elena will be Saix and Larxene." The two nodded.

"Rufus Shinra will be Ansem the Wise, therefore making the _Shinra _Electric Power Company the _Wise_ Electric Power Company. Give a 'woot woot' for un-originality, baby."

"But isn't working for Ansem going against the Organization, even if it is acting?" Zexion wondered aloud.

"I know, but that's why I made Axel, Roxas, Larxene, and Saix the Turks. They weren't Ansem's original apprentices like you were."

"You seem to have really thought this through..." Vexen said.

"Thank you Vexen. I'm glad you think so." K.O. smiled. "Oh! And just so I don't keep you wondering, you, Zexion, and Lexeaus, will portray Yazoo, Kadaj, and Loz, respectively in that order."

"Why the three of us?" Vexen asked.

"I figured it would be fine since you three worked together in Chain of Memories."

"But didn't you never beat Sora's story in CoM? How'd you know about us if you never played as Riku?" Lexeaus asked.

"Meh, read the manga and cheated." K.O. shrugged. "I was never looking forward to playing as Riku anyway, no matter how many perks there were to gameplay. But moving on, Barret Wallace will be covered by Xaldin, since I refuse to believe that that's your actual voice."

"Why would you deny my voice?" Xaldin asked.

"Because _Luxord_ is the English part of the Organization, which is why I had to screw him over by making him Cid Highwind."

"But wouldn't it have made more sense if Xaldin was Cid, since they both use spears?" Luxord asked.

"Not to mention Cid's last name is High_wind_, and I am the Whirl_wind_ Lancer." Xaldin added.

"SILENCE! There is a method in the madness!" K.O. yelled. "Sorry, but can we just drop it? We're almost done."

Everyone nodded. "Thank you. Now then... Vincent Valentine will by played by Xigbar."

Both Xigbar and Vincent looked up from polishing their pistols. "...What?"

K.O. sighed in annoyance. "YES, I realize that you two don't act or sound alike at all, but it was the most logical choice since you both use guns." Vincent and Xigbar opened their mouths to speak. "YES, I know it's extremely obvious and everyone would be expecting it."

"OK."

"As long as you know."

"Oh, yes, I do. And finally, Mansex will cover Sephiroth."

"MY NAME IS NOT MANSEX!" Xemnas screamed.

"Of course its not. And 'Xigbar' doesn't spell 'Bigrax'. CoughcoughDENIALcoughcough." K.O. said, causing Xemnas and Xigbar to howl with rage. Ignoring him, she turned to a few of the original cast members. "Now, I do realize that there are a few cast members left over, but that is solely because there was no one to take their roles. So Marlene, Denzel, Red XIII, and Cait Sith, I just want to say now that I'm sorry, but you'll have to do this again."

"It's alright. We understand." Marlene said.

K.O. patted her on the head. "Well, that settles it then! I'm going to give you a week to learn from your character so you can play their role to your very best. Don't let me down! Now, without further ado, I present to you... FREE FOOD!" K.O. ran to a red velvet curtain (which for some reason no one had noticed) and pulled it away, revealing carts and trays of food. Everyone was either staring in awe or trying not to drool.

Without warning, Sora, Demyx, Lexeaus, and Xigbar lunged towards the food, already wearing their bibs and wielding forks and knives. They were literally inches away from the food, and when they reached out for the first bite-

"HOLD IT!"

The four stopped where they were, tears streaming down their faces. "Riku!" Sora cried. "How could you?"

"Didn't you realize I never got a role?" Riku said. Everyone took a time to ponder about this.

"Oh yeah..."

"You didn't?"

"I thought you were called."

"I was eating a cookie so I have an excuse for not listening!"

K.O. checked her clipboard. "Oh, _right_! I _did_ give you a role! Riku, you'll be playing Zack."

"OK, I ...Wait a minute! Isn't Zack Cloud's dead best friend?"

"Yes."

"Who only appears twice in the entire movie?"

"Yes."

"...And is dead?"

"Yes."

"He's... dead?"

"Riku, what are you trying to point out?"

"I just wanna know why I have the part of a dead guy!"

"Ohh! Is _that_ all?" K.O. laughed. She put a hand on Riku's shoulder and said, "Riku, Riku, Riku... It's quite simple really. You pointed out that Zack is dead, and this is true. The reason you have his role is entirely because of that and due to one of my heart's fondest wishes... the wish that asks you to simply roll over... and _DIE_."

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

"What the crap!" K.O. screamed. "Someone just blew up the building next to us!" She ran out the door, shutting it in Riku's face that had run after her, though no one cared. They had all gotten to the door to hear K.O.'s scream, "SAIX! GIMME YOUR CLAYMORE!"

"What for?" he yelled back.

"JUST LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND YOU'LL SEE!"

Saix did just that. He looked out the window, cursed loudly, and then handed K.O. his claymore through the door. "Destroy them K.O.!" he cried. "Send them back to the pits of hell from whence they came!"

"Saix! Tell us what is going on out there!" Xemnas ordered.

It took a minute for Saix to spit it out, but he was finally able to say, "It's the Riku FanFreak Population."

There were sudden gasps, yet silence filled the room. "Are... you absolutely sure?" Zexion asked.

"Definitely. It's a wall of deranged fangirls at least seven miles thick!"

"And K.O. went out there to handle it by herself?" Larxene cried. "She's crazy!"

"I know." Saix turned to the window. "Which is exactly why she'll make it."

Riku looked around in confusion. "What's the big deal? So they're angry fangirls. I'm not seeing the problem."

Everyone stared at Riku like he was crazy. "Don't tell me you don't even know what your own fanbase DOES!" Axel yelled.

"What do they do?"

"They FORCE people out of their original fanbase just so you're more popular!"

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"Oh?" Roxas said. He pulled out a large roll of paper from his jacket. He unrolled it, causing it to roll over the other side of the building while doing a few loops. "This doesn't have all their crimes, just a list of all the most recent ones your fangirls have done, but it should be enough to convince you."(A/N: This is just taking the piss) He cleared his throat and began to read:

"Monday, March 18th  
9:30 AM

A young man had gone to a Borders having purchased a Sora figure for his sister, a Sora fangirl. Upon leaving the store, he was ambushed by three Riku fangirls, who beat him and destroyed the figure, replacing it with a horribly crafted 10-foot-tall statue of Riku. His money was returned, but before he could purchase another figure, he found the Riku fangirls had destroyed the remaining figures in the store."

Sora whimpered at the pain his fanbase had to face. Kairi hugged him comfortingly.

"Friday, December 6th  
11:45 PM

A college-age AkuRoku fangirl, coming back from a party with friends, returned to a dorm room that had been trespassed, graffitied, and looted of all AkuRoku passions. She also found her roommate, a ZexiDemy fangirl, bound and locked in a closet, all her merchandise stolen as well. The dolls, pictures and such of both pairings were replaced by RikuSora merchandise, much more than what was originally stolen. All the stolen AkuRoku and ZexiDemy merchandise were both worth over an estimated $15,000, whereas the RikuSora merchandise only sold for $750 as a whole."

Xemnas shook is head. "Poor, poor souls..."

"Sunday, June 2nd  
4:55 PM

A Demyx fangirl was celebrating her 14th birthday when she received a hand-crafted sitar from a friend, made like the sitar owned by Demyx. As soon as she plucked one string, Kayla, the notorious Riku fangirl leader herself, invaded her home and destroyed the sitar, replacing it with a replica of Riku's sword, the Soul Edge. The victim girl, shortly after receiving therapy and anger management counseling, swore vengeance and is now the founder and leader of the "Real Kingdom Hearts Character Opinion Rebellion", shortened to "R.K.H.C.O.R." (pronounced "Recor")."

Roxas looked up from the paper. "Of course, that's just for _starters_..."

Riku stared in awe. "I can't believe so many crazy fangirls did this in my name..."

"I can't believe you didn't know about it!" Sora exclaimed. "...Hey, wait. Isn't K.O.'s birthday June 2nd?"

There was an eerie silence, followed by an, "OH CRAP!" from everyone in the room.

**_xXxOUTSIDExXx_**

"WHICH ONE OF YOU STARTED THIS?" K.O. screamed, swinging Saix's claymore to keep the masses back. "I WANT THEIR HEAD ON A PIKE!"

It wasn't long before the cause showed up. She was a skinny blonde with a white tank top reading "Kiss Me- I'm Irish" and blue jeans, and looked no older than K.O., who in turn sneered.

"Kayla!" she said. "I should have known!" (A/N: Kayla's real name has been changed for protection... but I don't know why since I hate her guts).

Kayla smirked. "Of course it was me."

K.O.'s fist shook, but she brushed it off and tried to regain her composure. "Look, Kayla, I don't like you, and you don't like me-"

Kayla seemed hurt. "I like you!"

"Really?" K.O. asked. "Well, that makes one of us. Anyway, I'm trying to do a parody here, and it even says 'CLOSED SET-NO VISITORS-BEAT IT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS-THIS MEANS YOU, YOU DUMBASS' on the door. So, if you wouldn't mind, please, piss off."

Kayla laughed. "Oh, K.O., you know it won't be that easy." She extended her hand, like Riku did to Sora. "I'm once again giving you the opportunity to join us."

"Pfft! Like I'd give!" K.O. scoffed.

"K.O., why can't you see how awesome Riku is?" Kayla asked. "I really don't understand your hatred towards him and us."

"Because! You have no real opinion of him besides the fact that you think he's hot!" K.O. argued. "I have no problem with people liking Riku, or any other character from any other game for that matter, but you need to have more of a base than the fact that you think he's the fabled _'PURE SMEX'_! And you know what? People I know who like Riku can handle the fact that I hate his whiny, poser-emo ass!"

"Watch your tongue!" Kayla warned. "I will not have you talk of our beloved Riku that way! Look K.O., I'm just asking you to be our friend, and I resent that you're making it sound like a bad thing!"

"IT IS A BAD THING TO BE YOUR FRIEND!" K.O. screamed. "I'D HAVE NO OPINION OF MY OWN AND I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO THINK FOR MYSELF!"

"So?" Kayla asked. "We just have Riku think for us."

"You mean that shrine made out of hardened gum in each of your closest?" K.O. sneered.

Kayla blinked. "What's your point?"

Cricket.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Twitch twitch.

Millions of people around the globe, along with our KH and FFVII heroes and villains, not to mention Shira, heard K.O.'s angry scream, followed by the ear-shattering shrieks of the Riku fangirls. Not really sure they wanted to know what happened, they ventured outside the set.

The ground was filled with the bodies of Riku fangirls, heads chopped off, their throats slit, internal organs removed, etc, and the stench was unbearable. Only Kayla and a few girls remained alive, and they were crouched in fear as the now blood-drenched K.O. swung Saix's blood stained claymore over her head. She smashed it into the ground inches away from the girls' feet.

"_GO_." she hissed coldly.

The Riku fangirls scrambled off their feet. As they ran, Kayla called, "This isn't the end!"

"Sure looks like the end to me!" K.O. yelled back. She turned around with her normal smile. "See kids! The moral of the story here is that you should never force people, friends or not, to do things they don't want to do, whether you want them to have the same clothes, like the same music, or in this case, practice the same religion. 'Cause in the end, karma's gonna come and bite you... _IN THE BUTT_!" She paused, then added, "Also, making a Demyx fangirl mad probably isn't the best thing to do, most likely because it usually ends with you nearly getting your head chopped off." She then ran over the group and glomped Demyx. "_DEMIKKUSU_!"

"Gaah! Your hug! IT _BURNS_!"

"That's what all fangirl hugs do, silly!"

Sora stared at the bloodshed, and then back at K.O. "This is starting to get weird..."

Kairi gave him a look. "'_Starting_ to get weird?' Where've you been?"

* * *


	2. Insert Creative Title Here

**HAHA! I'm so glad you guys liked it! But as I looked over certain reviews, I realized that I have to say this now, or else I'll never hear the end of it; YES, I know I bashed Riku a lot, and I have reason for it. Riku is one of the people who has NEVER been bashed to a great extent. For example, Kairi is, for some crazy reason, bashed on a regular basis for what I find are the stupidest reasons ever (how the hell can Namine be better? You DO remember just WHO Namine is, right?)but just how many people would honestly go about bashing Riku? My guess is seven, not including me, in the U.S. alone. (Don't deny it, you all know its true) And you know what, I don't even _like_ bashing characters, even those who I hate. I only do it when virtually no one else will.**

**Also, I'm sorry for not updating in awhile, things at at home have got me kinda of down. I also apologize if the chapter is even crappier than usual. I wanted to have Arue read it over, but I was going out of town and I couldn't send it to her, and then she started crying that it wasn't up, so there went that dream.**

**Now then... who wants to see what nonsense happens today, hm?**

_Slashbusters Inc. (who is only referenced) and Spectre (who is appearing next chapter) are (c) to **LordSpectreX**  
Eric (who is also appearing next chapter, but is mentioned) is (c) to **Dragorion**  
Gravitation, Eerie Queerie, and Loveless are (c) to their creators__  
Rivera and Arue are (c) to **Arue  
**Canonbusters Co., Mini-Marlene and Yu are (c) to me_

* * *

Kayla stormed through the halls of the Riku Fangirl stronghold, which happened to be right next to an Abercrombie and Fitch, a Starbucks, and a hair salon. (A/N: Ugh, great... more things I hate!) The surviving fangirls ran behind her. 

"This has gone too far!" Kayla declared. "For too long has K.O. denied her fate as one of us, and its high time we set her straight!"

"But Kayla!" one of the girls pleaded. "Don't you think that maybe K.O. really doesn't like Riku?"

"_BLASPHEMEY!_" Kayla screeched. "Its impossible to not like Riku! Its been scientifically proven!"

"It has?" the girls asked.

"Yes, by our own scientists. They came to the conclusion after deciding that our group ideals are supreme, and those how do not abide by those ideals are beaten. A lot."

"Oh..."

"Now then..." Kayla reached the far end of the hall, where her office was. Stepping throgh the mahogany doors, the girls ventured into one of the largest Riku shrines in the world. (A/N: Details could not be given, due to the fact that massive overload on one character has been known to set fire to the brain... which is no one is allowed into my room -coughcoughDEMYXSHRINEcoughcough-). Once beind her desk, Kayla picked up a small phone.

"Who you gonna call?" one girl asked.

"Slashbusters Inc."

"Really?"

"No, silly! They're not on _our_ side!" Kayla smiled wickedly as she dialed the number. "I'm calling in our best recruits, Slashbusters Inc. opposites and sworn enemies. You see, I've known K.O. for a long time, since pre-school if you must know, so I know how very sneaky and skilled at finding loop holes she is, and even if I didn't know her that well, her utter randomness makes her extremely dangerous. We have to take care of this problem swiftly and carefully. Oh, shh, shh, its ringing... Hey, girls? Its Kayla... Oh I'm fine, but listen. K.O.'s doing a Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts parody and she gave Riku the role of a dead guy!... I know, can you believe it! But look, we decided its time to initaite "The Plans"... Yes ladies, the devil shall take the acorn... K.O. will start the rehearsing in a week. Good luck, my sisters. May the Soul Edge be with you."

Kayla hung up the phone in triumph while the other girls stared. "..."The devil shall take the acorn", Kayla?"

"We've been waiting for this for a long time for this. We had too much time left over so we put everything in code."

"Ah."

* * *

_**xXxONE WEEK LATERxXx**_

Kairi, Namine, Aeris, and Tifa stood outside the set, waiting for either K.O. or Marluxia to show up with the key. They got bored after a while and started to play a hand game with some very... interesting lyrics.

_"Yaoi means 'Stop my butt hurts',  
Cross-dressing guys wearing mini-skirts,  
Boys kissing boys,  
They like to use toys,  
Girls love yaoi,  
Even some boys do,  
Gravitation, Eerie Queerie, and Loveless too,  
Soubi wonders how many years,  
Until Ritsuka finally loses his ears!"_ they chanted. But before they could count the years until Ritsuka finally lost his ears, they all broke out in laughter.

As they laughed a moving van pulled up, and Marluxia's head poked through the driver's side window. "Hey guys. 'Sup?"

"What's with the truck, Marly?" Tifa asked.

"You know how I'm the "Bring In The Phoenix Down" yeller guy? Well, it occured to me and K.O. a few days ago that we never actually got the Downs to be brought in. So we had to buy this truckload. I'm just bringing it to the set." Marluxia explained.

"Oh... Say, where is K.O.?" Namine asked.

Marluxia gave her a confused look. "Namine, its a Monday. K.O. has school today."

"She does? I thought writing fanfictions was a kind of slave labor!" Aeris said.

"That's what I thought too, but no." Marluxia said. He tossed a small set of keys to Kairi. "Here, you guys open up. I'll bring these to the back."

* * *

At 4:45 PM, K.O. finally arrived at the set. Her normal attire of jeans and a T-shirt were gone, replaced by her school uniform; a white button down collared shirt, dark blue dress pants and black dress shoes. It was a true testamony of how the educational system needs to either get rid of uniforms or at least get a fashion sense. 

Anyway, Tifa and Aeris helped Kairi and Namine into their costumes, while K.O. and Marluxia kept track of who got there at the doors on each end of the building.

"Ah, Cloud, Sora, good to see you!" K.O. said on the north end doors. Sora and Cloud walked inside, the younger boy dressed exactly like the older.

"Hey, K.O.?" Cloud asked. "Sora had... _issues_ lifting my swords, so I just told him to use the Metal Chocobo. You know, the Keyblade from the first Kingdom Hearts?"

"Oh sure! Its cool."

"Thanks." The two boys left to join the girls.

At the south end, Marluxia, Reno, Rude, and Roxas were trying to pull a disagreeing Axel in through the door. It seemed he suddenly chagned his mind about playing Reno's part and wouldn't enter, something about them giving into the demands of crazed theory making fangirls. Finally, Marluxia dropped the leg he was pulling on, walked over to Axel, and kicked him in the crotch. While Axel doubled over in pain, feeling the decreasing chance of future generations of Axel Jrs., Rude slung him over his shoulder and walked in.

Back at K.O.'s side, everything was going smoothly, until...

"Hey Yuffie!" K.O. called. "Where's Demyx?"

"Oh, about that. Listen." Yuffie said. "We obviously couldn't put Demyx in a costume of me, right?"

"We could if this was some freaky crossplay yaoi fanfiction, but no, you're right."

"Well, I took him over to the _Naruto: Uzemaki Chronicles_ set and they took care of his costume!" She turned outside the door. "Come on in, Dem!" (A/N: Is there no Demyx issue that Naruto can't cure?)

Demyx awkwardly walked into the set, wearing baggy cargo pants, a blue sleeveless shirt with the Nobody crest printed on, a pale green vest with oriental-designed waves at the edges, and a headband with "IX" ingraved in the metal. In his hand was a big-ass blue shuriken, and there was a pouch at his side with sitar-shaped kunai. "Yuffie, I feel ridiculous..."

"I know, but you look awesome, and every _Naruto_ fan knows that that's as important to a ninja as their fighting skill!" Yuffie said, giving a thumbs up. "Right K.O.? ...K.O.?"

K.O. was unable to give any kind of verbal response when Demyx walked onto the set. Her eyes were big and sparkly, and she had a ridiculous grin on her face. Yuffie waved a hand in her face, K.O.'s response being, "I bite."

"K.O.? You gonna be OK?"

"Shh... Mind happily away on Planet Bouncy..." (A/N: Planet Bouncy is a retreat world fangirls go to when given or told something amazing about the character or characters they have an obsession with. 'Tis a happy place, where the trees grow pocky, the ground is composed of superballs and the bishies roam free! Not to be confused with Planet Jumpy, the fan_**boy**_ retreat world, which I would not know how to explain.)

Demyx sighed. "See, _this_ is why I'm an atheist. No loving God would allow this to happen to me." (A/N: **_LordSpectreX_**, I'm sorry, but that quote is freaking awesome! I had to do it!) Yuffie pushed Demyx inside and that was the end of that.

Back at the south end, Marluxia had checked in everybody else since K.O. still had that look on her face and it was creeping them out. At the end of the line was Vincent, dragging a wagon with a tarp over it. Marluxia blinked.

"Uhh... Vincent? Where's Xigbar?"

Even though he hardly ever used them, Vincent was at a loss for words. "Ahh... you see, I was explaining my character to Xigbar, just as K.O. asked..."

Marluxia nodded. "Right...?"

"Yes... well, I gave him one more lesson today, before we left."

"Which was...?"

"I told him my view on life."

Marluxia was getting annoyed with Vincent's half-answers. "_And_...?

Vincent sighed and removed the tarp from the wagon. Lying in the wagon was Xigbar's body, multiple bullet holes in his chest and head. "He... _kind of_... _sort of_..._ maybe_... commited suicide."

Marluxia stared wide-eyed at Xigbar's corspe, then finally turned behind his back and yelled, "_BRING IN THE PHOENIX DOWN!_"

**_xXxONE PHOENIX DOWN AND MULTIPLE CURAS LATERxXx_**

"OK!" K.O. declared. "Its time to start filming! AXEL! GET YOUR PYROMANIC ASS OUT HERE!"

Axel moodily walked onto the set, clearly still upset about Marluxia's foot in his crotch. "...Yeah?"

"In the first scene, Reno's the only Turk we see." K.O. explained. "We need you to get in the helicopter for the part." She pointed to a Shinra helicopter in front of a green-screen.

Axel opened his mouth to protest, but remembering that K.O. controlled all reality here he shut his mouth and climbed in.

"Good Ferret-Man!" K.O. said. She turned to Saix and Larxene with two oddly shaped microphones. "Alright you two. Since Tseng and Elena are only heard via radio, you'll have to say your lines through these. Axel'll be able to hear what you say in the copter, and vice versa." The two nodded. "Then without further ado, let's get this train to hell rolling!"

* * *

Unknown to the Lemur Demon and the Squeenix people, three deadly asassians watched from afar. They were the most dangerous of all the Riku Fangirls; they had to be, Canonbusters Co. _were _Kayla's best friends. Feared and regaled for their exploits, they were often believed by those not familiar as the stuff of yaoi fangirl legend. But those who do know the truth simply refer to them as... 

"Topaz! The Untainted Child!" cried the light brown haired girl with basketball under her arm.

"Liza! The Blue-Eyed White Babe!" yelled the blonde Kayla clone with two decks of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards in her hands.

"Papel! The Kitten of Catastrophe!" proclaimed the dark brunette in pigtails and cat ears.(A/N: Just like Kayla, the Canonbusters' names have been changed for protection... even though I hate them too.)

Topaz grabbed a pair of binoculars and looked at the set. "Look at 'em... in all their non-Riku glory..." She spat on the ground. "Makes me sick!"

Liza grabbed the binoculars from her. "I know! And you know what? SoraRiku is the only airing that makes sense! Soo much better than AkuRoku! Who do they think Axel is? That ebil demon lord guy from that stupid samurai show?"

"I _knoooow_! And boy, did that show suck..." Papel said. (A/N: In case you haven't noticed, these guys have no taste) "Oh wait!" She grabbed the binoculars from Liza.

"What? What do you see"

"RIKU!" Papel sighed, staring at the Twilight wiedler. "Ahhhh, he so gorgeous!"

"Hey, I wanna look!" Liza yelled, reaching for the binoculars.

"Get in line!" Topaz yelled. The girls started to fight.

* * *

K.O. felt very proud of herself. The chopper scene had gone off without a hitch. But then she realized something was amiss. 

"Hey, Riku!" K.O. shouted from across the room

Riku, who had been staring out the window, jumped when K.O. called. "Er... What?"

K.O. blinked. "Somethin' botherin' ya? You don't look so hot. Not that you ever did, but still."

Riku inched away. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked. "Did you forget that you hate me?"

"Riku, I only hate about 7 different characters, you being the fourth. You think I'd forget that easily? I'm not _that_ dumb."

"I know... but its still not something I'd expect fro... wait. The_ fourth_?"

"The first three are Sesshomaru, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Seto Kaiba, more jerky, emo, mopey, complaining, eye-candy characters with outrageously huge fanbases, are hardly ever bashed, and often forget who the main character is." K.O. explained. "Look, Riku. Just 'cause I hate you, doesn't mean I can't be nice to you, mm'kay?" Riku nodded. "Good. So what's on your mind?"

"Well, I was just wondering... What are we gonna do about the monster at the end? You know, Bahamut SIN?"

"Oh yeah! A friend is letting us borrow her… well not pet _per say_..." K.O. began, then they all heard the unmistakable war cry of Sesshomaru, Shadow, and Seto fangirls.

"CLAYMORE PLEASE!" K.O. screamed, as she ran outside. Ten bloody minutes later and it was the same scene as before with the Riku fangirls. Bodies, blood, a really pissed off K.O.

* * *

Topaz, Liza, and Papel stopped fighting, stared at the bloodshed with wide eyes and gulped. 

"I... think we should... retreat for now... yeah..." Liza said shaking.

"Yeah... good plan..."

"I'm all... for it..."

The girls began to slowly walk away, but their walk turned into a run. This was not going to be as easy as hoped...

* * *

"Holy jeebus K.O., you didn't leave me any." A voice said. 

"ARUE!" K.O. screamed. The fox girl grinned. Next to her was a pure white dragon, a little girl with curly blonde hair in a flower-print dress, and an older boy with long red hair.

"So how's life been? I brought Rivera like you asked." Arue said, then she realized how many people K.O. had called for this. Then Axel, who didn't get a good seat for the massacure, saw Arue.

"OH CRAP!" he screamed. "NOW THEY'RE BOTH HERE! I'M GONNA DIE!" Reno kicked him in the nuts to shut him up.

"Nice to see you too Ferret-Man!" Arue said. " I need to go take care of some stuff. See ya later. Rivera, behave yourself."

"YES! SHE'S LEAVING!"

"I'LL BE BACK, DUMBASS!"

"Wait Arue!" K.O. called. "Who are the kids?"

Arue blinked. "Dont'cha remember? You told me you got bored one day and you took a bunch of pairings and made their love-child?"

"Oh yeah!" K.O. said. She turned to the girl. "Then that must make you my little Marlene! I've been changing your appearance so much I guess I forgot which look I chose for you!" (A/N: Because there's now two Marlenes, my younger and newer one shall be called Mini-Marlene so no one gets confused.) Mini-Marlene giggled.

"You didn't forget me, did you?" the boy asked.

"Of course not! You're one of the newest editions to my fancharacter family, Yu!" K.O. said. "But why are you guys here? Yu, you're not even supposed to be born yet!"

"Arue thought me and Yu could take Marlene and Denzel's role since there was no one else who could." Mini-Marlene said.

"Of course you can! That is, if Denzel and Marlene don't mind. Do you guys?"

"Not at all!" Marlene said. "C'mon Denzel! We better get home!" Denzel took Marlene's hand and left the set.

"OK then!" K.O. said. She turned to the cast, who had all come over to see the commotion. "Everyone, meet our new Marlene and Denzel, Mini-Marlene and Yu!"

"Hey, how come that Yu girl looks a lot like Kairi?" Zexion asked.

Yu's eye twitched, but no one noticed as he lunged at Zexion with a Keyblade in his hand. "WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A GIRL, YA EMO PUNK!"

K.O. ran over and pulled off Yu from the tramatized Zexion. "Well Zexy, as you can clearly see from that sudden display of testosterone, Yu is most certainly not a girl." she explained as Yu calmed down. "As for why he looks like Kairi, I'm currently working on a fanfiction in which Kingdom Hearts vanishes and the Organization is ressurected many years after Sora, Kairi, and Riku have grown up and have had children."

"So, what you're saying is that for that fiction, Yu is mine and Kairi's kid?" Sora asked.

"One of two! Yu and his sister Ai are twins. Speakin' of Ai, where is she, Yu?"

"I dunno." Yu said. "She said she was busy. Somethin' about trying to find her "biological family" and pancakes."

"Ah yes, the pancakes."

"OK, we've cleared up who Yu is, but what about her?" Larxene said pointing to Mini-Marlene.

K.O. blinked. "You mean she doesn't look familiar?" Larxene shook her head no. "You too Marly?" Marluxia shook his head too.

Arue stared. "...Holy _crap_! Its _soooo_ obvious!"

"_Noooo_ its not!" Larxene shouted back.

"I can see we'll need help." K.O. said. "Axel, your special talent is needed."

"Don't gotta tell me twice." Axel said, limping over from the last kick. He faced Larxene and Marluxia and cleard his throat. Pointing at Marluxia, he said, "M-A-R-L..." Axel's finger switched to Larxene. "...E-N-E."

Marluxia shook his head. "Axel, what are you getting at?"

"Oh my shi- SHE'S YOUR FREAKING CHILD YOU IDIOT!" Roxas yelled.

Arue whacked him over the head with a rolled up newspaper like he was a dog... even though he looks more like a cat. "BAD ROXAS! You have to let them figure these thing out on their own!" she scolded.

"And besides, YOU'RE WRONG!" K.O. said.

"I am?" Roxas asked, rubbing his head.

"He is?" Arue asked.

"YES! Mini-Marlene is from the same fanfiction, and she does have relations with Marly and Xeenie, but not like that! (A/N: In order to keep the fiction secret, I've bleeped out major spoilers.) See, Marly found Mini-Marlene as like a 6 year old before _**JACKETS!**_ happened, and he and Larxene _**POTATOES!**_. So a year past and finally Mini-Marlene told the guys that she was _**COOKIES!**_ and had to _**FLIPPIDY DOO DA!**_. So when she did, Marluxia and Larxene _**BORRIS!**_ and then began to _**TOMATO!**_, thus bringing us into _**PIE!**_ and explaining why MarMar and LarLar were so hostile to poor widdle Namine."

"WHOA!" Marluxia exclaimed. "That's a pretty crazy idea!"

"You don't like it?" K.O. asked.

"We love it!" Larxene said.

Mini-Marlene was clearly very happy. "K.O., can we start now? I've been working on Marlene's monolouge thing-a-ma-jig and I'm really good at it!"

"Why not?" K.O. said. "PLACES PEOPLE!" She swiped the microphone Saix had and gave it to Mini-Marlene. Then she ran over to the power box and dimmed the lights. "Whenever you're ready!"

"...What did dimming the lights have to do with the voice over?" Kadaj asked.

"I dunno. Dramatic affect?"

Mini-Marlene nodded, and began to speak. **"The life stream. That's what we call the river of life the circles our planet."**

A large TV screen cut to the opening animation of SHINRA.

**"The WISE Electric Power Company tried to harness that power. As a result, we were all able to live comfortable lives. But wasn't that because we were taking from the planet's life? A lot of people thought so. WISE used its power to stop anyone who got in their way. WISE had an eleite group of fighters called SOLDIER, and all the SOLDIERS had Kingdom Hearts cells in them. Kingdom Hearts was a calamity that fell from the sky a long, long time ago. Anyway..."**

"Xemnas!" K.O. whispered. "That's your que!" Xemnas nodded and walked into the green screen, where Special Affects Master Pence (A/N: Hey, I have to put the Twilight Town guys in _somewhere_) made Sephiroth's firey flames 'o doom.

**"There was one SOLDIER named Xemnas who was better than the rest. But when he found out about the terrible experiments that created him, he began to hate WISE. And then, over time, he began to hate everything. WISE, and the people who tried to stop them. Xemnas, who hated the planet so much, he wanted to make it go away."**

"OK, Sora, Namine, you're good to go!" Sora picked up Namine and walked over to the green screen again and acted dropping Namine into the water like Cloud and Aeris.

**"There were a lot of battles. With every battle, there was more sadness. Someone I love went back to the life stream too. 'Sadness was the price to see it end.' Its been two years since they told me that."**

The TV screen above showed the animation of Edge.

**"But... it looks like... the planet is a lot madder than we thought."**

The lights went back to their normal brightness. Mini-Marlene blushed. "Did I... do good?"

Dot dot dot...

Without warning, Marluxia and Larxene ran over to Mini-marlene and hugged her, yelling, "WHY ARE YOU SO FREAKING _CUTE_!"

* * *

Canonbusters Co. burst through the door of Kayla's office. "Kay-Kay!" 

Kayla ran out from behind her desk. "Was it a success?"

"N...No..." Papel panted. "We... had to retreat..."

"Why? Did she see you?"

"No... worse...!" Liza said. "Our sisters in the Sesshomaru, Shadow, and Kaiba bases have fallen!"

"WHAT?" Kayla roared. "Oh no, this is terrible! Those bases were are last allies since the Sasuke and Neji fanbases fell apart when K.O. fed the ninjas to Petal Boy's plant!" Kayla began dialing a new number on her phone.

"Kayla, who are you calling?"

"There are few people who would stand up to K.O., but we happened to run into one." Kayla explained. "I take you remember K.O.'s 14th birthday?"

Papel came to a realization. "You can't mean..."

Topaz realized it as well. "But Kayla! He's a-"

"A Saiyan?" Kayla cut off. "Yes, I know. I realize that Fangirls and Saiyans are never supposed to interact as allies, but he doesn't want to see Riku dead any more than we do, and we need his help." Kayla turned around as the person on the other line picked up. "Heeey, wassup? I take it you remember me, don't you? Of course you do..."

"This is a sad look into the future." Liza said.

* * *

And just who is Kayla calling? Wait and find out! 


	3. Lost Attempt To Film

**HA! You guys didn't think I was gonna update so quickly, didja? Well, the chapter has a lot to be desired (for cryin' out loud, there's no filimg progress), but I just wanted to get all outside characters in before all went down in a fiery ball of chaos.**

**P.S. Caps Lock is now one of my new best friends.**

_Wolf Link and Midna (c) to LoZ:Twilight Princess  
Amaterasu and Issum are (c) to Okami  
**AJ the Flame Swordsman** is (c) to himself  
Yam and Mayx are mine and mine alone!_

* * *

"Ahh, its so good to see you." Kayla said. 

"Cut the crap." came a voice from a shadowed figure in her office. "Just what did you call me for? Since no girl can even comprehend the storyline of DragonBall, coming here isn't exactly a picture of Bulma in her underwear."

Kayla's eyes widened. "...Yes. Changing the subject, I'm assuming you're aware of K.O. doing a Final Fantasy parody, right?"

"Oh yeah, I know about that."

"Then I assume you also know that Riku is playing Zack?"

"Zack? But he only appears about twice in the whole movie!"

"Why do you think K.O. gave him that role?"

The figure slammed his fist on the table. "Damn, this is just like her... At least now I know why you called me. But I have to ask why you haven't taken care of this yourself yet."

"Our recsources and allies have been cut short since the recent massacare, and like you said, girls can't understand DragonBall. We figured you'd be the perfect opponent to stop her."

"Stop her from what?"

"Don't you remember? Zack_ dies_ in FFVII. This is most likely a trap of K.O.'s to kill Riku off and throw the balance of the world into chaos!"

"How do you figure that?"

Kayla stared. "Dude, its K.O. What _else_ are we _possibly_ going to assume she's doing?"

"Point taken."

"That said, will you help us?"

"Depends. What's in it for me?"

Kayla dug through her pockets, and pulled out a small silver stick. "I've got gum."

The figure eyed the gum. "Is it spearamint?"

"Yup."

The gum was swiped out of her hands. "Throw in a DVD box set of yuri and you've got a deal, sister!"

* * *

Evil fangirl conspiracies aside, all was well at the set. K.O. and Arue both had a free day from school, so the set was ready to go by the time the cast got there (Unfortunately (for K.O.), Arue was called away for something and was not able to mock Axel in his Reno-ness when he got there). Mini-Marlene, Yu, and Kairi stayed late the last time to film the opening scene at the bar, so the day was going to start with Sora on the outskirts of Midgar. Well, that was the plan, but... 

"I don't know how to drive a motorcycle!" Sora complained.

"Well, do you remember how to work the light-cycle thing from Tron?" K.O. asked.

"But that was in a cyber reality, like the _.hack//_ games! Besides, that minigame sucked!"

"Hmm, good point." K.O. said. She then turned to Cloud and smacked him upside his head. "CLOUD! We spent a lot of munny training these guys and you didn't even consider teaching him how to drive a motorcycle?"

"You never told me to!"

"Oh what? Just because I'm the authoress and control all reality here that means you need my OK before you do something?" K.O. froze as she realized what she just said, and then smacked her forehead. "Oh, shut up."

**_BANG! BANG! BANG!_**

"OPEN UP DAMMIT!"

"Huh? ...Oh, someone's at the door." K.O. said. "Riku, you're the closest. Can you get it?"

"Oh, sure." Riku walked over to the large double doors. He pulled it open and in walked a silver robotic hedgehog we all know and love as...

"Spectre!" K.O. yelled, running over. "What're you doing in America? You're supposed to be in England!"

"Well, I went to Eric's party and no one cared I was supposed to be in England then." Spectre said.

"Huh, good point." K.O. said. "So, what brings you here, anyway?"

"You know how you said that you couldn't find people to take Red XIII and Cait Sith's roles?" Spectre asked. "Well, I think I might have solved your problem." He walked back to the door. "'K guys, come one in!"

Spectre stepped aside, and in walked a black and white imp with a stone helmet, riding a gray wolf with a triangle on its forehead. Following them was another wolf, this one white with red markings and a spinning stone on its back and a jumping green dot on its head.

"Ladies, gentlemen, resident pyromanic cannibals-"

"HEY!"

"-I give you Link&Midna and Issun&Ammy!"

K.O. grew a huge smile, the one that looks so satisfied that you actually could tell that her inner fangirl was doing a power dance. Without a word, she began to dig through her pockets, and then pulled out a large cookie, which she presented to Spectre.

"WOOT!" Spectre yelled, swiping the cookie and jumping on a high window ledge. When he saw the odd looks he recieved, he hissed, "My cookie."

"Freakishly happy robotic hedgehogs aside, now what are we going to do?" Vexen said. "Casting was in the first chapter, we can't go back now."

"First chapter?" Lexeaus asked. "What're you talking about?"

"Nevermind."

"Oh, don't worry Vexen, I got it all planned out." K.O. said, dismissing the matter with her hand. "Now let's see... well, technically Link isn't a wolf, and I don't want Red XIII to be offended by a poser wolf, no offense Link..." Link rasied a paw that said 'No offense taken.' "...but then again, Amaterasu isn't a real wolf either. BUT, since Ammy is the sun goddess and is more likely to make my head implode, she gets the part." Ammy barked and walked over to the rest of the cast.

"Ohh, now what?" K.O. said. "Issun and Midna are both so cool..." She looked at her hands as though they were weights. (A/N: _**WARNING!**_ _**SPOLIER FOR OKAMI AND LOZ:TP APPROACHING! TURN BACK OR SKIP NOW OR FORVER HOLD THY TONGUE!**_) "Issun or Midna, sprite or imp, Twilight Princess or Fake Wandering Artist..." Her hands dropped to her sides. "Well, sad to say Issun, but Midna wins. She's actually as tall as Cait Sith, and like Ammy, more likely to make my head implode."

"Are you callin' me short!" Issun yelled.

"Uh, yeah." Spectre said. "We only see what you look like with that Tiny Hammer thing in the Emporer level, and its just that one level."

Issun was quietly jumping up and down for about a minute. "...I'd make a counter arguement, but you're right."

"Alright then. Midna, to Ammy, Issun, to Link. Issun, Link, Cait Sith and Red XIII can leave." The aforementioned left.

"You know, you're going about this rather quickly today." Spectre said, wiping crumbs off his mouth.

"I know, but it can't be helped." K.O. said. "I just need to do this quickly to show people I'm not dead or anything."

"Why not have Arue speak for you?" Axel asked.

"Axel, Arue's not here."

"No." Axel said, pointing towards the door again. "She's right there!"

Sure enough, Arue stood in the middle of the doorway like a deer caught in a headlight. That is, a deer with a huge sack on its back. It looked as though she was trying to sneak past without anyone noticing. _"Damn you Axel, damn you to hell, you cannibal bastard you..."_ she thought.

"Arue..." K.O. started. "What's with the bag?"

"O-Oh, t-t-this!" Arue stammered. "I, uh... its... full of chicken!"

The bag started to move.

"Uhh... living chickens."

A groaning sound came from the bag.

"Living emo chickens!"

The bag did not like that comment, as it started to yell and move around more violently. Arue started to punch the bag. "SHUT UP YOU!"

"Arue, what's in the bag?" Spectre said. "Whatever it is, it seems kinda familiar..."

Before Arue could answer, the bottom of the bag ripped open, revealing the blackish dark-blue head of yet another poor soul on K.O.'s To Murder List. 'Twas Sauske Uchiha of The Hidden Leaf Village!

"SAUSKE! Why'd you cut open the bag!?" Arue screamed.

"Because I couldn't _BREATHE_!" Sauske yelled back.

"WHO CARES ABOUT YOU _BREATHING_ AT A TIME LIKE THIS!? Do you even know where we are!?"

Sauske looked at his surroundings, then back at Arue with a confused look. Arue groaned and grabbed Sauske's head, pointing it in the direction of K.O. From the terrified stare and the twitching of K.O.'s eye came silence. Well, it was almost silence. There were cries of "...Welp! Good game, America!" (Xigbar) and "Yep, we're even more screwed now than we were 2 chapters ago." (Vexen)and "Why does it feel as though our death warrants have been signed?" (Namine) and "Well, this is gonna suck." (Roxas).

K.O. was taking deep breathes, truly troubled the Arue had brought in someone she hated as a guest. "...Arue? Why do you do these things to me?"

"Heeey! Its not my fault he wormed his whiny emo ass into my heart!" Arue cried, pointing at Sauske who was rubbing his head from impact with the floor.

"I know, I know! But... why_ here_ and_ now_?"

"Well... Naruto kinda took out a contract on him and Gaara unleashed the Shikaku and now Sauske's being hunted down... and I owe him for giving me lunch money so I had to hide him."

K.O. let out a sigh and rubbed her head. "Fine, fine, as long as Neji doesn't show up later or anything..."

Arue froze again, and pulled out her cell phone. She opened up her contact list and selected a number. "...Hi, Gai Sensei? Yeah, um, we're gonna have to rethink about where Neji's gonna hide..."

"Hey, wait a minute." Luxord said. "Marluxia, didn't you feed those two to your Venus Ninja Plant?"

"Yes."

"Then... how'd they get out?"

Marluxia sighed and placed a hand on Luxord's shoulder. "Just... Just don't think about it to hard."

_**BANG! BANG! BANG!**_

Spectre was about to make a Snoop Dog joke when there was suddenly more pounding on the door. K.O. groaned. "Riku, I'm sorry I have to ask again, but can you get the door one more time? This Sauske thing is making my stomach crawl..."

_"Wow, Sauske disgusts her so much she's doesn't even realize she's being **nice** to me..."_ Riku thought. He was about to reach for the knob, but the doors bursted open, knocking him against the wall. A shadowed figure ran in and jumped up on a support beam, yelling, "MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!"

"Christmas!? What'd I get, what'd I get!?" Arue cried, jumping up and down.

"ARUE!" Spectre yelled. "Its May!"

"So?"

"FOCUS!" K.O. yelled, taking out a personalized claymore Saix got for her. "I dunno who the hell this guy thinks he is, but he's picked the wrong time to piss me off!"

"Oh, you don't remember me K.O.? That's pretty sad... we are, after all in two other fics besides this one." The figure moved his arm up, showing a Keyblade that resembled a white Oblivion. (A/N: Sorry _**Dragorion**_, the description you wrote in _**The War of the Fangirls**_ was too long, so STFU.)

Spectre froze. "Nooooooow wait waitaminnut, Sonny Jim... that's..."

K.O. smacked her forehead. "Oh, you _gotta_ be freakin' kidding me... _ERIC_!? What are you doing in Illinois? You're supposed to be in Michigan!"

"Well what's a few states apart between bitter rivals, eh?" The figure came out from the shadows, revealing the Sayian known as Eric. (A/N: Why he, a Saiyan, has a Keyblade and doesn't just use a KameHame to torch my ass, I'm not all that sure myself, but whatever works.) He grabbed a nearby rope hanging from the ceiling and swung down, Keyblade at hand, towards K.O. Arue tried to knock her friend out of the way, but it was too late. Eric's keyblade whacked K.O. in the head, and a puff of smoke emerged from the impact.

Eric, suprised by the smoky impact, swung back and let go of the rope, looking kind of like Eddie Gordo from TEKKEN when someone doesn't know how to do combos and are resorting to button mashing. Arue was not so fortunate, as she disapeared along with K.O., and all was strangely quiet. However, it wasn't long after that whe they knew she was still alive, as Arue screamed in anger.

A few moments later, the Fox Demon wlaked out of the smoke, clearly pissed as hell, walked over to Eric, and... she bitch-slapped him behind the head.

Eric held his head in pain. "OWCRAP!"

Arue started to scream explecitives at him. "$#!& you Eric, $#!& you RIGHT IN YOUR $#!&ING EAR! I $#!&ing HATE you, you $#!&ing pervert! You just $#!&ed us all to $#!&ing HELL!" She was about to jump and strangle him, but was quickly held back by Sora ad Spectre.

"What did I do!?" he cried.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Arue yelled. "I'm sure everyone here would agree that having one K.O. is enough trouble by itself, right!?"

"Um, erm... yes, Mother can be quite a handful sometimes." Kadaj admitted. (A/N: QUIT CALLING ME MOTHER!)

"Well, thanks to Mr. Higher-The-Hair-Closer-To-God here, we know have to deal... with _THREE_ of them. That's right! Two more than we have now! 1 plus 2! ...3 K.O.'s!"

Cricket.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Twitch twitch.

"I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Riku screamed, scrambling for the door. He was once again about to grab the knob to freedom, but Arue had escaped Spectre and Sora's clutches and grabbed him by the collar.

"LISTEN YOU!" Arue growled. "You're a video game character, so you don't have to deal with people like K.O. very often. Me, on the other hand, I deal with her EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY. So, unless you're secretly Ron Jon Taco or Enchilada Ed or even Tomato from our school (A/N: **_Arue_**, you know _exactly_ who I'm talking about), I suggest you keep your cowardly bullcrap to yourself, or I will be forced to stick a plastic spork up your ass. Got it?" Riku shook his head furiously. "Good."

While others watched Arue terrify Riku, Xemnas walked over to Eric. He placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Eric, no matter how much darkness fills a heart, and no matter how uncaring that person becomes due to that, there is always a small spark of light that lets the person know that there is still hope in the world. And Eric, I just want you to know; if I still had my heart, you would have just killed that light."

"Oh COME ON!" Eric yelled. "How was I supposed to know that hiting K.O. in the head with my Keyblade would doom us all!?"

"Eric..." Xemnas said. "...its K.O. What _else_ are we possibly going to assume it would do?"

"Uhh... guys?" Kairi said. "The smoke's starting to clear up." Sure enough, three figures could be seen through the clearing fog.

Marluxia lowered his head. "And the four horsemen drew nigh..."

* * *

Now, there are three things most people don't notice about K.O. at first glance. The first thing is her hair. K.O.'s hair is highlighted a very naturally looking blonde, but the highlights have grown out and have been that way for a long time, so its assumed its natural. The two figures by her sides also had similair highlights; the one to her right had red highlights, and the one to the left had blue ones. 

The second thing people don't notice about K.O. is her eyes. When people finally do notice them, they always either comment that they're a very pretty shade of blue, or they ask if its just her contacts. (A/N: Usually, they ask before they comment, but that's just how it goes, I guess.) The figure to her right had yellowish eyes, like a cat's eye. The one to her left had deep green eyes.

Now, the third thing is only something the original K.O. has. Recall Arue and her Fox Demon heritage. When the two first met in late '06 at the beggining of their high school freshman year, Arue gave K.O. her very own demon form... which explains the lemur tail. Yes ladies, gentlemen and resident pyromanic cannibals, K.O. secretly has a lemur tail and the ears to match. See, that's why when she sent out the letters in chapter one, she referred to herself as the Lemur Demon, so quit sending out PMs asking why she did that, its annoying!

Well, back on topic, K.O. in all her demoinc glory was now exposed for the world to see. She too left the spot where she stood and walked over to Eric, who assumed the fetal position.

"Eric, get out of the fetal position." Eric couldn't see her face, but her voice sounded tired and annoyed.

"No way! As soon as I do you're gonna kill me!"

His reply was met with a sigh. "Eric, I'm not gonna kill you..."

Not sure he should, Eric slowly rose...

...Only to be pinned down again by K.O.'s claymore. "You just said you weren't gonna kill me!" he cried.

K.O. glared at him and put her foot on his stomach. "Yes, but I didn't finish. I'm not gonna kill you, just maim you horribly unless you tell me what possesed you to split me apart from my Heartless and Nobody!"

"Wait, what?" Zexion asked. "If he split you from you Heartless and Nobody, why aren't you dead?"

"Zexion, I'm the authoress. I can't die. Its in the rule book."

"F...Fine! I'll talk!" Eric said. "Kayla paid me to stop you from killing off Riku!"

"...Who ever said I was going to kill Riku?" K.O. asked.

"YOU DID! Remember, the party! We were all there, you kidnapped Demyx, proclaimed war on Riku's head, THIS RINGING ANY FREAKIN' BELLS!?"

"Yeah, but that's your fic. Why would I kill him off in my own fic?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A CRAZY _BITCH_, THAT'S WHY!"

"True, but think. If I was really going to kill Riku, don'tcha think I would have done it _waaaaay_ back in Chapter 1 to save myself the trouble?"

Eric was silent. "...Aww, nut-bunnies."

K.O. sighed and moved away so Eric could get off the floor. "Should've known she overlooked that... Kayla never was the smartest player on the team... didn't help that her dad was the coach..."

While K.O. talked to herself, Spectre hefted Eric off the ground and slung his arm around his shoulder for support. "Hey, just out of curiosity, what did Kayla give you to drive you to do this?"

"A DVD box set of yuri and a stick of gum."

Spectre eyed Eric. "Was the gum spearamint?"

Eric backed his head, as Spectre inspected him as though he were a three-eyed moogle. "Um... yeah."

Spectre dropped Eric back on the ground and rubbed his temples. "Oh, conondrum..."

Arue carefully walked over to her friend. "Umm, K.O.? Now that Yam and Mayx are here and all, are they gonna stick around?"

K.O. sighed. "We don't have much choice. They have to stay. You remember what happened last time..."

"...What happened last time?" Larxene asked.

"Oh, I think you already know." Arue said. "It was basically the last time anyone saw Atlantis... before Disney made the movie, of course."

"Yeah, and we don't want our good old Land O' Lincoln to be inhabited by mermaids or Zoras or whatever, no matter how cool it would be... and don't any of you make a comment about _Atlantis-The Lost Empire_, I liked that movie." K.O. said. "Now where did those two go?"

"Well, one of 'em's up there." Demyx said, pointing to the ceiling. The red-highlighted Heartless, Yam, was jumping from ceiling fan to ceiling fan, screaming "ASSIMILATE!" like a maniac.

"And the other one's right here." Vexen said. Hiding behind him and holding his hand was the Nobody, Mayx.

"Oh, well that's good. Nothing's broken yet." K.O. said. Just as she said that, the ceiling fan Yam was on crashed to the ground inches away from Demyx.

"WHOA!" Demyx yelled.

K.O. shook her fist. "Hey, watch it up there! You nearly took off Demi-Chan's legs!"

Yam gasped, jumped down in front of Demyx and hugged his legs. "I'm sorry Demyx-Kicky! I'm sorry Demyx-Standy! I love you guys!" Demyx, unable to move his legs, lost his balance and fell to the ground. K.O. held her head in her hands. Yam was evil and hilarious, but she was also K.O.'s shoulder devil and inner fangirl, both of which are never good.

"Uhh... K.O.?" Vexen said. "Can you... get her off me, please?" He pointed to Mayx, who was trailing behind him silently like a lost puppy.

"But why, its cute!" Arue said. "She is K.O.'s shoulder angel. Its her job to be unbelievably adorable!"

"I can see we'll need help." K.O. said, pulling out her cell. She dialed a few numbers and held the phone to her ear. "...Hello? Its K.O., glad you're here. Listen, Yam and Mayx got out again and I need your help to make sure they don't burn everything down in a fiery ball of chaos... Yeah... Uh-huh... 15 seconds? OK, great." K.O. closed her phone.

"Who was that?" Sora asked.

"Oh, another ally I made a while back. Helped me out when Yam and Mayx got out last time. He should be here in about 3... 2... 1..."

As soon as the last number left K.O.'s mouth, crashing through the window came a blond boy, wearing black clothes with flames designs and carrying a giant golden sword that was ablaze. "Have no fear, AJ the Flame Sowrdsman is here!" he yelled. (A/N: Yeah, I couldn't think of something funny for him to yell, sorry.)

"EEEK! Its AJ!" Yam screamed, jumping off Demyx. "...Oh wait, that's bad huh?"

"AJ? What're you doin' here?" Arue asked. "You're supposed to be in... actually, I don't know where you're supposed to be."

Mayx meeped and hid behind Vexen, terrified. "Y-You're not gonna make us go away again... a-a-are you? I-Its dark in K.O.'s head..." she whimpered, peeping out from behind the Chilly Academic.

"Not unless K.O. asks me to, Mayx." AJ said, jumping off the window and landing next to K.O.

"Nah, they're gonna stick around. Makes a great plot device." K.O. said. "But I need you to look after Mayx for me. Are you OK, with that, Mayx?" Mayx nodded her head. "Well, that's a relief."

"But wait." AJ said. "I thought you asked me to look after both of them. What's the deal with Yam?"

"Oh, Eric's going to look after her." K.O. said absentmindedly.

"WHAT!?" Eric yelled. "Why do I have to look after the crazy one!? Why can't I get the cute 'n shy one!?"

"Because its your fault they're out of my head in the first place and you need to be punished." K.O. said. "And besides, Mayx is kinda scared of you."

AJ just stared at Eric. "Dude, _you_ released Yam and Mayx? Didn't you realize it meant throwing the natural order off balance?"

"NO!" Eric yelled. "...And before you even start, I realize that its K.O. we're talking about and I shouldn't have expected any less, so shut up!"

AJ shrugged. "Hey, as long as you can accept your screw-ups, dude."

K.O. checked her wristwatch and groaned. "_Greeeaaat_, we just wasted an entire chapter with this little invasion." she said. "Now we need more rooms for Yam and Mayx, the window and ceiling fan repaired, bike riding lessons for Sora... I hope you're happy Eric, I really do. I'm holding you responsible for all this crap."

"...Why?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Arue said. "When George Bush is finally impeached and when society and Canada's done nothing wrong, we blame it all on you! Congradulations, Eric, you're now this story's very own scapegoat!"

Eric groaned. "Alright, alright, I get it." He turned to Yam. "C'mon, you cat-eyed... pyscho... hyper... Heartless... fangirl... thing..." Then he noticed Sauske standing in the corner. "You too, Uchiha. I ain't leaving you alone with... _her_." He turned to K.O. in pure spite.

K.O. shrugged. "Hey, its both your funerals. I was gonna be nice to Sauske and let 'em live... but if you him to go down with you, then by all means."

Eric walked out of the studio with Yam and Sauske following behind him. They only got a few feet away when Eric curiosity got the better of him. "Hey, Potato."

"My name's Yam!" Yam yelled. "Y-A-M, got it freakin' memorized?"

"Whatever. Pyromanic cannabil jokes aside, I have to ask. ...Why _did_ K.O. want you locked up so badly?"

"I've been wondering that too... you don't look really dangerous." Sauske said.

Yam just stood there with a big smile on her face.

* * *

**_xXx45 MINUTES LATERxXx_**

"Hmm, Yam usually isn't quiet for this long." K.O. said. "Spectre, can you go out and check to see if she hurt anyone?"

"OK. What do I do if she hurt Eric?"

"Eh, just leave him. He needs to learn his lesson."

"Will do." Spectre walked outside and turned the corner Eric previously took, seeing Yam's dark brown/red hair. "Yam, K.O. wants you to come... baaack... innnn... the _HELL_?" the hedgehog said as he walked over to the Heartless. Eric was on the ground, having a seizure and foaming at the mouth, and Sauske was standing there as though someone had chopped off his manhood and shoved it down his emo throat. And Yam just stood there with her hands on her hips and had the smugest look ever seen on her face as she stared at her victims.

"Y... Yam?" Spectre asked, a terrified look overcoming his face. "What did you say to Eric?"

"Oh, I told him that Cloud and Leon were secret lovers who met using a cross-dimensional portal." Yam said proudly.

"And Sauske?"

"I said that no one gave a crap about his revenge plot and that everyone liked Itachi more anyway. Which, when you think about it, is kinda true."

Spectre patted Yam on the head. "That'll do Heartless fangirl, that'll do."

* * *

**...Just so everyone knows, this is the chapter I've had the most fun with so far.**


	4. PROGRESS! And Yam Ruins It All

**OK. Apparently, I used some Ansem Retort jokes that I didn't even know about (I haven't read too much into it), so I just want to say I'm sorry I didn't do a disclaimer for that, and thank you to _Yamimaru_ and _Atlantica_ _Stitch_ for telling me.**

**Once again, this won't be too great. _Pokemon Diamond_ and _Phoenix Right: Ace Attorney_ for the DS and _Sonic and the Secret Rings_ for the Wii are currently widling away at my fragile little yaoi-tainted lemur mind. Not to mention Arue has been hitting me for scaring her with with said yaoi-tainted lemur mind (its Yam, I tell you, Yam!). Bear with me. **

**Now then... must... defeat... stupid... Elite Four... while trying... to catch... Mesprit... and... complete... Pokedex! ...GAAAH! I DON'T LIKE THE NEW SONIC CONTROLS! DAMN YOU MILES EDGEWORTH DAMN YOU!**

**By the way, I'M 15 AT LAST! There will be a oneshot deprived from KH:AC about the glorious event that is my birthday, so be prepared for anything, most likely a PotC 3 spoiler containing parody. NOW GO GET ME PRESENTS!**

* * *

"Well, that plan sucked." Topaz said as Kayla paced the floor. 

"I told you it was a sad look into the future, but did you listen? Noooo..." Liza said.

"Shut up Liza. I'm thinking." Kayla snapped. Suddenly, the large TV screen came down from the ceiling (A/N: Because every evil group either has a super computer or a TV that appears from nowhere), and on it popped an image of Spectre.

**"Yo."** he said in a monotone.

"Spectre!? What do you want?" Kayla yelled.

**"Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that next time you send out a pervert to kill K.O., you may want to keep in mind that she's the authoress and therefore cannot die, and that you are all pawns in her master plan to become the supreme dictator of Canada. ...Hold on."** Spectre looked up. **"Arue? Do you need any help fixing the ceiling fan? You being up there worries me..."**

**"Noo, I got iiitAAAAHHHHH!"** came the Fox Demon's cry as she fell to the ground. She came up a few moments later. **"Ah, ouchies... heeey, its Kayla! _HIIII_ RIKU FANGIRL BITCHES!"**

**"Well, I said what I wanted to say."** Spectre said. **"I'll leave you to dwell in your own fangirly stew."**

"WAIT!" Kayla screamed. "Arue... do you have that... _thing_ we asked for?"

Arue looked offended. **"You can't rush my work! The art of the ninja is a sacred art, no matter how bad I may be at it! I'll have it when I have it, capiche!?"** Arue pushed a few unseen buttons, and the link closed.

"Damn..." Kayla muttered. "We really need that thing too... Papel. You're a cat demon girl, and Arue's a fox demon girl. You go bug her until she gets it."

"Aye aye, mon capitan!"

_xXxBACK TO THE HALL OF INSANITY(YES, THAT'S WHAT I'M CALLING THE SET, YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA?)xXx_

"Arue..." Spectre said, arms across his chest. "Have you, Vexen, and Namine been exploiting the fangirls again?"

Arue looked down, her fox ears drooping. "...Yes."

"Have you been getting a lot of money from it?"

"...Yes."

"Have you been putting a third of it into my PayPal account?"

"...Mostly."

"What are you giving them?"

"Oh, nothing too big. Just a lock of Riku's hair. They said something about Vexen's notes on the Riku Replica, the sacrifices of Twilight beings, and a cloning machine."

Spectre paused and nodded. "Carry on."

"With what?"

"...Fixing the ceiling fan."

"Oh, that!" Arue said. "I fixed that awhile ago!"

A few feet away, Yam fell crashing down from yet another fan and ran off screaming, "HOLY FREAKING LAXATIVES!"

"Uhh... Arue?" Spectre said to the Fox Demon who was shaking and twitching uncontrollably. "Are you OK? ...Na..._NAMINE_! Arue has that murderous look in her eyes again!"

"Well, Arue should eat more vegetables!"

* * *

_-Outskirts of Midgar (A/N: From now on, all filiming with be center-alligned and in bold)-_

**A dust cloud strode past the desert plains of Migdar silently. Its source was a sleek black motorcycle, its rider's indentity only proven by the spiky brown hair. He rode past the large sword that had previously been his and that now stood as a memorial of sorts for the events of two years past. He did this very often...**

**...but that day, something changed. Three new bikes, all hulky and green, rode up to the sword, the first driver kicking its down with his foot. A moment of silence passed before one rider asked the leader, "Hey Zexion. Is that were Big Brother's hiding?"**

**To this, the leader responded, "...Yeah."**

**"Do you think he'll be glad to see us?" the first voice asked.**

**The leader, Zexion, scoffed. "Not a chance."**

**"Don't cry, Vexen." The third snorted.**

**"But Mother's with him..." Vexen said, an air of longing to his voice.**

**"...Maybe not." Zexion corrected.**

**The third driver made a sad groan, to which Vexen replied, "Don't cry, Lexeaus."**

**Zexion held up a hand to silence the others. "Hold on. ...He's coming."**

**They saw the rider from before pass by without eveb giving them a glance. The three smirked, and Vexen and Lexeaus rode down in pursuit.**

"I gotta give it to ya, K.O. This is going pretty smoothly." AJ said. "...K.O.?"

K.O. was with Demyx at a computer, staring angirly at the monitor. "I can't believe this!" Demyx yelled. "I've never been so insulted in all my non-exsistence!"

"I _know_!" K.O. said, just as pissed. "We've got no respect! No respect at all I tell you!"

"What are you guys looking at?" AJ asked.

"Its something I had to do for school. Look right here." K.O. said. "It says that when George Bush was running for President, he said that he didn't think that atheists should be considered citizens or patriots since apparently its "one nation under God" and nothing more! (A/N: I kid you not! That's what he said, I swear!)"

"Wait, K.O., you're an atheist?" Luxord asked.

"No, really, what gave it away?!" K.O. commented sarcastically. "You think I'd be mad about this if I wasn't!?"

"...Yes."

"...You're only spared because its true, and because if I hurt you Spectre might quit for nationality discrimination." K.O. snarled. "But seriously, what ever happened to the religious freedom, acceptance, and tolerance that this nation was partially founded on!?"

"Well, everyone just realized that acceptance and tolerance of any kind was a breeding ground for homosexuality, and saw that if their children grew up in that enviroment it would turn them all gayer than a magician. A _Vegas_ magician, mind you." Eric chuckled. (A/N: That was a _Drawn Together_ joke... hey, it seemed like something he would say!)

"QUIET SCAPEGOAT!" K.O. said, throwing the monitor at his head.

"How do you hit the target every time?" Demyx asked.

"With a head that big, how could I not?"

**Sora swerved left and right, trying to avoid the gunshots of his chasers. The two drove up to him, and when close enough, Lexeaus yelled, "Where's Mother!?"**

**Vexen added, "We know you hid her Brother!"**

**Back on the cliff, Zexion yelled into a cell phone. "Tell me, are you lying? Because I think you do have Mother there! ...No need to shout! ...I don't want to talk to you any more... put the President on."**

"K.O., its time for the Heartless chase." Olette, who was manning the camera, said.

"You're absolutely right." K.O. snapped her fingers. "Unleash the Heartless, Yam!"

"Right!" Yam saluted and snapped her fingers as well. "Unleash the Heartless, lackey!"

Eric, forced by Yam into cleaning the entire set wearing a frilly pink apron, growled. "Curse you and your utter fangirlish-ness..." He said as he raised a hand and unleashed the Pride Land Heartless.

**The situation was clearly not getting better for Sora, as black monsters emerged from the ground. He focused more on them then on his pursuers. To make matters worse, Vexen had taken this shining opprotunity to flip himself and his bike up into the air and take aim at Sora. Time seemed to stand still as Vexen fired his gun at Sora's face...**

...missing his goggles comepletely and shooting Sora straight through the forehead. "This... is not good..." Vexen said as he lost control of his bike and was crushed under neath it with Sora.

K.O. slapped her forehead. "Oi... Marluxia?"

"On it. Ahem... _BRING IN THE PHOENIX DOWNS_!"

"Bring a third one; Arue's hunting down Yam so we should be ready just in case." Spectre said.

* * *

After Sora and Vexen had been resurrected and had finished the chase scene, K.O. put Yam on guard duty to keep the fangirls and Arue at bay. Worst case scenario for that action would be that some of Yam's friends from the Yaoi Fangirls would come by and she'd invite them in to discuss... _things_ in front of Spectre and Eric (A/N: We're all assuming AJ can deal with my... I mean, Yam's guy-on-guy obsession, so he's not in any real danger should that occur). Now our heroes had moved on to the meeting between Sora and the handicapped Ansem in Healin. 

**Sora rode up the path, the messgaes on his cell phone being played. **

**_"What up, foo, its Xaldin, I AM the man! Oil, Sora! I just found the biggest damn oil field you've ever seen! Surveyin's done so I should be able to get out there and see Marlene real soon. You let 'er know, alright Spiky?!"_**

**He skipped down to the next message, this one from Kairi.**

**_"Axel called again... he says to hurry... and he sounded kind of strange... be careful, OK?"_**

**Sora walked up the wooden stairs of Healin Lodge, a hand on the Keyblade strapped to his back. Once he reached the door, he pulled the key out of its sheath, where it met the spiked chakram of another.**

**Axel readied his weapons, and with a cry charged at Sora... who calmly moved the side as Axel ran out the door. As his oppenent realized his mistake, he began to run back, only to be met with a door in his face. He sighed. "OK, so you're good..." Sora locked the door.**

**As he did so, another face emerged from the side. Roxas pulled back on his gloves and adjusted his sunglasses, before wielding his Keyblades as well. However, Sora was too quick and beat him to it, pointing his key to Roxas' neck, who stepped back in defeat.**

**"Good. You fight like the SOLDIER you once claimed to be."**

**Sora looked to the door Roxas came through and saw someone he thought had died long before. "Ansem the Wise?" he said, looking at the man on the wheelchair. He turned to Roxas, "Boy, do I feel sorry for you."**

Yam watched intentively from one of the windows outside the set. "Aww... no fair... I wanna be in there... how else am I going to fully enjoy my evil plot?! ...Oh well. It should be coming up soon." With that, she took out a small remote control.

Axel stood behind the door, waiting for his next line, when suddenly, he felt a prick at his neck. He thought nothing of it and left it alone, so he never noticed the secret mind control chip Yam had stuck on him when he wasn't looking and activated via the remote control. By that point, however, it was too late.

**"...We need your assistance." Ansem concided.**

**"Not interes-**

**"I acknowledge that WISE... owes the planet a lot... it goes without saying that we are responsible for putting the world in the sorry state its i-"**

**"ROXAS!" Axel screamed, crashing through the window. "TAKE ME AND LET ME HAVE YOUR BABIES!" With that, he kissed Roxas.**

"AHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Spectre yelled before his head imploded, shooting off in the opposite direction.

"IT BURNS!" Eric screamed, roling on the floor.

Arue looked down from the other ceiling fan she was fixing and freaked out. "HOLY _SH_... COW!"

AJ... well, he just kinda stood there. "Huh... this is awkward."

"CUT!" K.O. cried, walking into the set and pulling the two Nobodies apart. Roxas fell to the ground, and Axel stood there mortified at what he did to his friend.

"I don't... what did I... THIS IS SO WRONG!" he screamed.

"Its OK Axel, I think I know what happened." K.O. turned Axel around and saw Yam's chip on his neck. "I was right! YAM!"

"_Whaaat_, someone was bound to do it evantually!" Yam yelled from the window. "And I don't really see the big deal in it."

"YOU MADE SPECTRE'S HEAD IMPLODE!"

"_SO_? His head's _always_ getting chopped off! Besides, I gave Eric another seizure, and nothing happened to AJ! That has to count for _something_! Remember, I came from _YOUR_ head, so really, this is all your fault!"

From that point on, the windows were barricaded so Yam's influence could not get through. Moral: never tell the authoress anything is her fault, even if it is.

* * *

Papel watched silently from the bushes she and the other Canonbusters had been at before. "Yam... Yam... where have I heard that name before... Hm?" She looked back own at Yam and saw her open a large binder. The first thing Papel saw in said binder was a crudely drawn stick figure picture of AkuRoku (A/N: Once again, _**Arue**_ knows what I'm talking about). "Of course! Yam must be K.O.'s link to the Yaoi Fangirls! That must be the Almighty Binder of KH Yaoi!" 

"_ORGANIZATION_ YAOI, JACKASS!" Yam corrected, yelling in Papel's direction.

"But how did she... she couldn't see... oh forget it..." Papel said. "But maybe this could work to my advantage..." She ran out of the bushes and over to Yam. "Hiya! There any Rikora in that binder?"

Yam's face twisted in disgust. "NO WAY! Rikora is the crap of Satan! I may be a deranged Yaoi Fangirl, but I still say KAIORA ALL THE WAY!"

"Just as I thought..." Papel thought. "Well, if you really think that, I heard that there was gonna be a Rikora Supporter Meeting downtown today. You should voice your opinion!"

Yam gasped. "You're right!" She held the Almighty Binder of Organization Yaoi up in the air as she ran off crying, "_FOR THE HORDE_!"

"Bye bye!" Papel waved. She turned to the door. "Now, back to buisness... How do I-" Before she could finish her sentence, a snarling berserk Saix burst through the door and slammed her behind it.

Saix ran up a nearby tree, growling like some deranged werewolf. K.O., followed by Mayx, holding Spectre's head, soon came out after him.

"What the hell's wrong with him now!?" K.O. yelled.

"How would I know, I'm just a head at the moment!" Spectre yelled back.

"W-Wait! I-I think I know what's wrong!" Mayx cried. She gave Spectre to K.O. and ran back inside, coming back out a few minutes later with a small, white-ish square, which she presented to Saix. "Look Saix! Sandwich!"

Saix's head jerked in her direction, and he lunged out of the tree in Mayx's direction. K.O. squeezed her eyes shut and covered Spectre's with her hands. "I can't look...!"

_**MUNCH!**_

K.O. slowly looked back to her Nobody, and dropped Spectre's head as a result, though he was also in too much of a shock to care. Saix rested in Mayx's arms, munching happily on the sandwich she had. The sight was enough to make the voices in both author's head scream, keel over, and die.

Mayx looked back at them. "...What? Didn't you used to randomly jump to high levels when you were hungry?"

Silence.

"...Spectre?"

"Yeah K.O.?"

"Remind me to kill myself when this fic is over."

"Only if you do the same for me."

"Deal."

Papel took this opprotunity to sneak through the door. "Hehe... excellent... Now to find Arue..."

* * *

"Hey, AJ?" 

AJ looked up. "Oh, what's up Eric? Y'know, besides the ceiling and the sky and all other things understandable."

"Well, you probably know more about this than I do, and I was just wondering... If Yam and Mayx are K.O.'s Heartless and Nobody, and K.O. has lemur ears only when they're out... what about Arue?" Eric asked. "I mean, her fox ears have been out since this whole thing started. Are her Heartless and Nobody running around causing chaos, panic, and disorder somewhere?"

"Hmmm... hard to say..." AJ said. "Its like... K.O. normally has all her randomness locked up inside her head, right? When you hit her with your Keyblade last chapter, you unlocked that door and released all that pent up randomness. Arue's, on the other hand, has always been free."

Just then, Arue sneezed, and as a result of the sneeze, a pair of dragon wings erupted from her back. "...COOL!"

"See?" AJ pointed out. "Arue just never bothered to get a lock for her mind's door. She just never cared enough, explaining why Rivera (A/N: _**Arue**_'s dragon from chapter 2, remember?) is here with us."

"What does that dragon have to do with Arue? I know Arue made her but..."

"Rivera is Arue's Heartless... Half-Heartless if you want to get technical."

"What?!" Eric yelled. "That's insanity! Her Heartless should be a fox! It would make sense then!" Suddenly, a wrench fell down from the ceiling and hit Eric in the head. "GAAH!"

"_SCREW SANITY_!" Arue yelled.

"Arue's right Eric, you shouldn't assume things." AJ said. "Remember kids, when you assume things, _you make an ass out of Uma Thurman_!"

* * *

"Stupid Eric... stupid assumptions... stupid sanity... stupid Uma Thurman..." Arue grumbled. 

"AH HA! There you are!" Papel cried, jumping up to the support beam Arue was on.

"Papel..." Arue growled. (A/N: Arue's not having the greatest day, if you haven't noticed) "Look, I'm not in the mood to be trifled with! I need to fix this thing!"

"Well, we need Riku's hair!" Papel cried. "We're talking about world wide Riku domination here! I think its proves more importance than a ceiling fan!"

"LOOK!" Arue screamed. "I... DON'T... CARE! I'm BUSY, so you'll just have to wait!"

"Are you kidding me?! Where are your morals?!"

"_SCREW MORALITY_!"

Beneath them, AJ wrote down Arue's last comment. "That's a new one... I'll have to tell K.O. about that one..."

"You leave me no choice, Arue!" Papel ran over to another ceiling fan and held up a small knife to the wires holding it up.

Arue gasped. "You wouldn't dare..."

"Try me!"

"Rrrrgh... FINE! I'll get you Riku's stupid hair!" Arue reattached her bungee cord to her waist and jumped down...

_**RRRIIIIIPPP!**_

"AHHHHH!"

..and came back up holding a large mass of white-blue hair while Riku clutched his head in pain. "I hope you choke." she growled as Papel took it from her, replacing it with a wad of cash.

"Pleasure doing buisness with you." the Cat Demon said, jumping down and running out the door.

* * *

K.O., Spectre in her hands, and Mayx, Saix still in her arms, looked back in the direction Papel had run past them. They all looked to Spectre, who simply answered, "Fangirl exploitation." 

"Ahh, that's OK then... wait... where's Yam? She would have told me if Papel was com... ing..." K.O. asked, her words slowing. She looked over her shoulder and saw Yam, running up to K.O., panting, and an ever increasing dust cloud coming right after her. "Yam... What did you do?" K.O glared, mentally slapping herself as the words left her mouth.

"Uh... I kinda said to a bunch of Yaoi Fangirls that Rikora will never happen and Kaiora is their Lord and Master…and now they're chasing me." Yam quietly said.

"You said that Kaiora is the Lord and Master…" Saix said.

"Yes."

"And you said this to a group of Yaoi, let alone Rikora, fangirls?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't expect them to go berserk!?" Saix shouted.

"NonononoNO! I expected them to be angry, I just didn't expect that all of them would have guns!"

* * *

**Yeah, readers of _Welcome To The Lives Of Organization XIII_ should recognize that last part. And keep in mind what AJ said about Arue's Heartless and Nobody... it _may_ be important later... hehe...**


End file.
